My results was
Sex is comatose and in danger of dying. Sex and intimacy in your relationship are still alive, but just barely. You need to take action before they die altogether. The upside is that sex can often be better than ever. As you get older, you and your partner are capable to deeper intimacy and more erotic sex. Eye-gazing in bed are one way to put this into gear. You and your partner probably aren’t real relaxed when you have sex.
I've pretty much accepted that sex is heading to the grave despite the small changes the wife have made over the years.
But I so know this feeling today when I perceive it as rejection, and in her view, she is tired.
I do know that this feeling will pass. I can tell that my mind goes to want to withdraw and distant, but I'm learning to express anger and frustration internally until it is gone and stops bothering me. All this means to me is that I still have some "me" work to do.
It's a mental exercise to accept myself that I am ok and have the right to express my needs. But a the same time, she has the right to choose for herself.
That said, I put the focus on me, and what I am doing wrong in "handling it."
First, the thought of sex to feel some connection and validation with her is a wrong thought. I do not need to feel a connection, the marriage perhaps need that connection. I do not need her for validation for I should be able to self-validate.
Next, the thought that sex is "scarce" because we will have company staying in our house this holiday, which means the possibility of sex to happen diminishes very close to zero. This thought that sex is not abundant tend to make me feel needy for what sex makes me feel. The way to handle this is to frame sex as abundant because I can choose to practice healthy masturbation and meet my need.
Last, there is an old behavior that tries to build resentment from my perceived rejection. One way to handle this was to think of it as "lost opportunity." But my mind seem to dwell in the loss of opportunity as fuel to build resentment. Feeling resentment just wants me to go back to the hold habit of withdrawing and doing passive agressive behaviors.
So, it seems like I need to stop perceiving it as a rejection. But perceiving it as loss opportunity tends to make me "want to fix it" but I know that I can not fix it, I can only work on me.
So I'm back to working on me... if that made sense.
- I Took a Sexless Marriage Quiz