Cheeps: the OW is gone. Granted, its only been 8 days of no contact, but with my IC and this website forum, im feeling a wee bit better. But I have a loong way to go. The OW was not the cause of the MLC. I never wanted her to be the solution. Im a seeker, not the runner. I gotta get through this in tact, because no way am I going through this again at 50 (Im 41). Next time, I will be a volcano and destroy everything in my path, including myself.
You sound like you have a good start, so you need to step it up further.
You vision of the future 10 years is not the ultimate goal, and needs to be refined. What do you want in your life? In 10 years, I don't want to be a dormant volcano that would likely erupt is not a worthwhile goal.
Knowing that possibility of destructive paths is enough, but also knowing that you are choosing to not go that path is more empowering that you can set a higher goal.
"In 10 years, I would like to learn contentment and appreciate the unique details that make each moment of my life worth while." This goal sound simple, but it is harder for me, because my personality and self worth was always set to expect more and strive for perfection. I had to shed the mold of expectations from others and pick and choose which ones I like and want in my life. And also accept that I have flaws and not perfect.
I did spend a lot of time thinking, jotting down things to do and I would just be paralyzed and overwhelmed with "my list." Procrastination becomes prevalent, and it seems like I'm just spinning my wheel (in a hamster cage) and getting no where.
But I'm slowly overcoming procrastination by making 1 or 2 action plans. What can I do right now to (change, improve, complete) my wants / goals? Then I act to do them. If it was just to read a poem to my kids and telling them what I think it meant. Or to tell them positive things, and share with them why I value ____. If it was just to say hi to the wife, and tell her I was thinking about her and a shared memory and how I cherish such memory in my life.
Soon enough, I'm busy with my life doing things that I want to do. Despite that it sounds mundane or work--one key component is that I am doing them because I want to and it is worthwhile to me. I do them "without strings attached." I spend my time and effort freely.
But I know that during my darkest moments on MLT/MLC, it was all about me, asking "what about me?" Looking back, what I am doing today is about me, even when the most benefit of my effort is for others. How is that possible? I am learning to be content with my life and the abundance within me is enough to take care of my needs, and I have plenty left to give. I did not have to seek outside to fulfill my emptiness. I have it within me to be fulfilled all along.
05.20.06: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right."
2007: "I can handle it." "Deny myself nothing." "My issues are my issues."
July 2008: "Dude, that sucks."
March 2009: "No attachments to the outcome."
- Vision, Action Plan